No stitches, just platelets and will power
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I want to be your penis for a week.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
