Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i think i just lost a toe
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
