i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think people are normalizing furries
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
