ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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