For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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