And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
