Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
