i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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