i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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