respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
