DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
