Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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