I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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