He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
