so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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