Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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