But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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