My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
