Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
