tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Randomize
