im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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