I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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