Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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