i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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