Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she told me i tasted like america
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
