so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
