he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I enjoy the company of your penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
