go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she looked like the before picture.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
