In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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