Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
