I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
