I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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