Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
