I am spending my child support on dildos
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
birth control should be required to get into college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
