FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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