I'm eating all of the evidence.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We had to coat check the pizza.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
