just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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