new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
