Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
