Umm I'm too high to move.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
