So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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