i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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