Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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