i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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