The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sarcasm needs its own font
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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