and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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