If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
