Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
