I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
