Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
