Jerry, you need to find god
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She even gives head with a lisp.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
