I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
this hospital has no fireball
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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